Stories & Other Excerpts from CDs by Sharon Strand Ellison:
The following 18 audio excerpts are from the CD edition of Taking the War Out of Our Words, PNDC Principles and Practices, a single CD about Powerful Non-Defensive Communication; and the audiobook, Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting. Many of the short excerpts contain stories so you can hear the voice tone modeled along with the story line. Some stories illustrate the War Model for communication, the dynamics of defensiveness, and the kind of power non-defensive communication can have.
The stories are actual examples reported by people using non-defensive communiction and cover professional relationships, friendships, couples, and parents. I created a combination that gives some framework for the ideas, along with the kind of experiential learning that can be prompted by story. Each section has also been placed in one other place on the website when it sheds more light on the information there, including the Home Page, What is PNDC, Exercises, and Products. Whatever your primary area of interest, if you listen to these downloads in order, from beginning to end, you'll get enough information to be able to begin to understand and practice some of the skills. As an alternative, you may wish to listen to one section at a time, so you can think about the story. However you chose to listen, I hope you enjoy them. Sharon Strand Ellison
Select from the following articles:
An Introduction to PNDC —A Message from Sharon
In this excerpt, I give a short personal overview of the War Model, the non-defensive model I've developed, and explain why this work is so important to me.
See Also: Home Page
The Tire Story — Part I: A Rude Clerk —Sharon & George's Story
This story is about me and a tire store clerk I was frustrated with. I love the story because I learned so much from the experience. I use it to make several points, starting with the story and continuing in part two and three.
From: PNDC Principles & Practices, Track 1 See Also: What is PNDC? More & Workshops: Individuals
The Tire Story — Part II: The War Model
This part of the tire story illustrates why it is usually so hard for people to resolve conflict, even in situations like my interaction with the George, the store clerk. It contains a brief description of how I developed my theory of the War Model for communication.
From: PNDC Principles & Practices, Track 1
See Also: What is PNDC? More & Workshops: Personal: Individuals
The Tire Story — Part III: Quantum Leaps for Both of Us —Sharon & George's Story, continued
In the final piece of the tire story, I describe my own sudden, surprising insight and show how non-defensive communication can create quantum leaps in understanding, attitude, feeling, belief, and behavior for both people in an interaction.
From: PNDC Principles & Practices, Track 2
See Also: What is PNDC? More & Workshops: Personal: Individuals
The Physiology of Defensiveness —Research by Dr. Joseph Le Deux
This cut briefly describes the physiological impact defensiveness can have and some of its ramifications affecting our ability to resolve conflict.
From: PNDC Principles & Practices, Track 4 See Also: What is PNDC? More . . .
Six Defensive Modes —A Hypothetical Story about a Work Team
Using the example of a team member who doesn't get her/his part of a project done in a timely way, I show how people might react, using 6 predominant defensive modes.
This cut presents an introduction to the non-defensive model.
From: PNDC Principles & Practices, Track 10 See Also: What is PNDC? More . . .
A World View—Teachers & Coaches Who Inspire & Malcolm Gladwell, Author of "The Tipping Point"
This piece gives more information about the kind of power we can have using non-defensive communication.
From: PNDC Principles & Practices, Track 28 See Also: What is PNDC? More . .
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Unfair Division of Labor —Gordon & Selma's Story
This story demonstrates how resolution can occur even in a situation where we don't expect the other person to listen. (Question & Statements)
From: Book on CD, Taking the War Out of Our Words, CD 1, Track 12, CD 4, Track 11 & CD 6, Track 9
See Also: Workshops: Professional & Books & CDs: Book on CD
A Friend's Insecurity —Celeste and Maria's Story
This story is about how we can feel let down or disappointed with a friend and not realize our own part. (Statements)
From: Book on CD, Taking the War Out of Our Words, CD 1, Track 4 & CD 6, Track 9
See Also: Workshops: Personal: Individuals & Books & CDs: Book & Book on CD
A Marriage Crisis —Mena and Todd's Story
This story examplifies how intense crisis can be transformed into new options and a closer bond. (Question & Statement)
From: (a) Book On CD, Taking the War Out of Our Words, CD 4, Track 4 & (b) PNDC Principles and Practices, Track 15 See Also: Workshops: Personal: Couples Books & CDs: Book & Book on CD
Cultural Competence in a Group During Mandatory Workplace Training —Michael's Story
This story demonstrates how group response in a hostile work environment can be transformed. (Question)
From: PNDC Principles & Practices, Track 14
See Also: Topics, Cultural Competence & Books & CDs, PNDC Principles & Pactices
Argument over Daughter's Rude Behavior —Jose & Idallia's Story
This story demonstrates how to handle a situation without trying to get the other person to change. (Statement)
From: Audio Book, Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting, CD 6, Track 8 See Also: Books & CDs: Book & Parenting CDs
Teenager Complains about the Bike Dad Bought Him —Tighe and Frankie's Story
One point here is how our assumptions about another adult or child's motivation can be wrong in many respects. (Question & Statements)
From: Audio Book, Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting, CD 3, Track 14 See Also: Workshops: Personal: Parenting, More & Books & CDs: Parenting CDs
Homework Process and a Child's Self-Esteem —Lisa & Denise's Story
In this situation, a mother's efforts to help her daughter gain confidence actually have the reverse effect until the mom changed her approach. (Questions & Statements)
From: Audio Book, Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting, CD 3, Tracks 3 & 22 See Also: Workshops: Personal: Parenting & Books & CDs: Parenting CDs
Third-Grade Girl Protects Herself from Older Brother Who Hits Her —Melissa's Story
In this story, we see how even a child can set an effective limit in a situation where he/she would appear to have little control or power. (Prediction)
From: Audio Book, Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting, CD 1, Track 7 See Also: Workshops: Personal: Parenting, More & Books & CDs: Parenting CDs
Child Sets Limit with Parent —Sam & Ami's Story
This interaction makes it clear that even a very young child, having learned from watching parents use non-defensive communication, can set clear limits, even with the parent. (Prediction)
From: Audio Book, Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting, CD 2, Track 26 See Also: Workshops: Personal: Parenting, More & Books & CDs: Parenting CDs
A World of Potential —The Breakfast Club & Ami's Story
This final cut illustrates the organic power of the non-defensive process to creat openness and compassion.
From: (a) Book On CD, Taking the War Out of Our Words, CD 11, Track 12 See Also: Workshops: Community: Social Change & Spiritual & Books & CDs: Book & Book on CD
