Shipping/Cancellation/Return Policies: Most orders ship within 48 hours. It is important to us that you are happy with any materials you purchase. If for any reason you you'd like to return an item, please send it back in its original condition within 30 days and we'll send you a full refund.See Complete Shipping, Cancellation & Return Policies.
This is a masterful and elegant work. It is larger and more powerful than
the Mars/Venus model! This work is a map. It gives me new direction, and
I hope that my life in this world can become more worthwhile, and human.
In my training as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I believe this is the
most powerful structure I’ve learned. It has tremendous implications
for most human interactions.
—Bette Acuff, Ph.D., M.A.
I have been able to test this method with the most difficult person in my
life. To my absolute amazement I was able to diffuse the anger and aggression
in an instant.
We need Sharon Ellison's work in our homes, in our offices, and most of
all, in our hearts."
—Evelyn C. White
A message that should be spread across the nation. So simple, I don’t
know why no one has discovered it before.
—Rob Merlo, engineer
By the time I was six, I realized something was curiously wrong about
the way people talked to each other. When called ugly names, kids would
taunt back, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will
never hurt me." I didn’t believe them. I could tell that
they were really upset. I also remember my friend Patty saying, "I
would never let that stupid Sarah know she made me feel bad!" I
squinted at her, as if to say, "How will you get over it if you
don’t talk to her about it?"
I watched adults act the same way. When I heard my mother’s friend
Clara say, "I’m not going to let him hurt me," I could
tell that she was already hurt. Behind her tough words, she struggled
not to cry. What puzzled me was why people so often tried to act like
they didn’t care when someone hurt their feelings. Why would people
hide their feelings instead of showing them?
Sharon's Tips on Using the CD's to Greatest Advantage: Many people listen to the entire book on CD and/or whole chapters in one sitting. At the same time, I want the CDs to be a good resource for quick reference, learning, and reinforcing skills. With that in mind, I have created 10 to 20 tracks for each chapter, so you can listen to small portions at a time and/or easily find exactly what you need in the moment. For example, a dozen formats for asking questions is on a separate track. You can listen to one at a time, then practice. It makes the track booklet an ideal tool for time-spaced learning, which has been proven to one of the most highly effective methods of gaining skill. The track booklet is also an excellent outline of the whole book because the tracts include every Chapter and subtitle in the book.
PNDC Principles and Practical Skills: An 80-minute overview of Taking the War Out of Our Words
Audio CD, $19 + shipping
NEW! Audio Download, $18$13
About the CD: Using rich stories from her book, Taking the War Out of Our Words, Sharon Strand Ellison shows how and why we get defensive so easily. Ellison gives us the tools we need to protect ourselves without getting defensive and to achieve our goals without engaging in power struggle.
Praise: “Hearing your voice and modeling after it was calming and helped me to bring my voice down to a non-defensive tone . . . I am able to listen calmly when under attack and not feel threatened . . . I have never heard anyone teach this way of communicating” . . . “Your CD . . .has saved my relationship with my husband and dramatically improved my relationship with my son.” More...
Sharon's Tips on Using the CD: I often recommend that people listen to the single CD before reading the book. It is a short, thorough 80 minute overview of the book to get good snapshot of the process. Second, you can hear me model the voice tone for the communication process; for example, I teach how to dramatically alter our questions —simply by coming down in tone instead of up—at the end. Finally, Also, the section on the physiology of defensiveness is not in the book. Hearing the CD first can make the reading of the book richer.
Applicable Ages: Most of the examples are for children up to age 11 or 12. However, even with teens, collage-age students, and adult children, the principles are the same and changes in the parent-child relationship start with the same kinds of limits on attitude and behavior, such as, “If you speak to me rudely, I’m not willing to continue the conversation right now.” The examples cover how to set limits on core values and attitudes such as respect, appreciation, honesty, and self-esteem, as well as dealing with specific issues and behaviors such as chores, homework, sibling conflict, bullying, and so on.
have a teenage daughter and after attending one of Sharon's
lectures I purchased
her CD set with hopes it might strengthen our communication. I was
however when I discovered that the CD set was geared for children
up to eleven.
Disappointed as I was I decided to give them a listen anyway. Much to my
surprise and delight not only was it for younger children, it was
to my teenager, my husband and anyone else I chose to communicate
her insights that I felt as though I needed a total lobotomy to undo years of
misguidance and miscommunication. And then I listened to them again and began
to try out some of her suggestions and have already had positive results. I realized that above all, the real gift in Sharon's work is
that of hope,
the idea that it is never too late to change. She has given us a way out of
our power struggles with our children and provided the skills we need to have a
healthier, more struggle-free life with them." Yvonne O'Hare,
San Francisco Parent Coalition
About the CDs: Parents often struggle to achieve balance between setting the limits childen and teens need to be secure and the freedom they need to grow as individuals. Here you'll find practical tools for transforming your family — creating an environment that enhances your child's security and freedom, respect and openness, competence and spontaneity, reciprocity and creativity.
The Authority Continuum:
Understanding How You Use Power as a Parent
Whether we do things just like our parents did, or very differently, most of us fear making mistakes that will hurt our own children. This CD, which lays the foundation for the skills presented in the other three CDs, presents four typical patterns we use as parents that can be damaging to our children. Sharon will offer an alternative, one that can give us the skills we need to use authority wisely, without abusing it.
Limit Setting: Creating Firm, Nurturing Boundaries
As parents, so many of us struggle to figure out how to set clear boundaries with our children. Often we try to get “cooperation” through discussion and don’t set limits until we are angry. This CD will cover setting firm, yet gentle limits about core values (attitudes), such as respect and appreciation and self-esteem, as well as with specific issues (behaviors) such as chores, homework, sibling conflict, and bullying. In response to this kind of limit setting, your child (or teen) can gain security and learn to be respectful, competent, and reciprocal.
Your Child's Life as Story: Asking Curious, Disarming Questions
Our children have a world of their own from the very beginning — a life narrative that includes their perceptions, experiences and goals. The way we ask questions often causes children (or teens) to slam their “book” closed so we can't see it or understand it. Sharon presents guidelines for asking questions that increase the likelihood of your child opening up voluntarily and sharing his or her ideas, inner feelings and story with you.
Conversations Your Child Will Cherish:
Having Honest, Equal Talks
Our children (and teens) often react to conversations with us as if we were giving a lecture or making a demand—and too often we are. Sharon provides us with four steps for giving your child feedback and openly expressing your own feelings and ideas—as well as hearing his or her response with equal respect. Using these steps, your child will be less likely to reject your wisdom, will listen more seriously, and may even seek out your opinion.
Audio Selections from Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting
A Couple’s Argument over Daughter’s Rudeness—Jose & Idallia
(CD 6, Track 8
Teenager Complains about the Bike Dad Bought Him —Tighe and Frankie (CD 3, Track 14)
Homework Process & a Child’s Self-Esteem —Lisa & Denise
(CD 3, Tracks 3 & 22
Third Grader Protects Herself with Brother Who Hits Her —Melissa
(CD 1, Track 7)
5-Year-Old Child Sets Limit with Parent: —Sam & Ami
(CD 2, Track 26)
Shipping/Cancellation/Return Policies: Most orders ship within 48 hours. It is important to us that you are happy with any materials you purchase. If for any reason you you'd like to return an item, please send it back in its original condition within 30 days and we'll send you a full refund.
See Complete Shipping, Cancellation & Return Policies.