|
Personal Workshop Topics
Workshop Schedule
Free Sessions
Basic Workshop: Level I
Advanced Workshops
Co-Facilitated Advanced Workshops
Training Programs
Practice Session Topics
PNDC workshops are offered for the public regularly in Oakland, CA, which
is Sharon's home base. Sharon offers workshops on the following topics
periodically. You can also request workshops on any of these topics for
any existing "group" of people you belong to or want to bring
together for the training experience. The basic workshop is sometimes
open to anyone and sometimes offered for specific groups of people, such
as parents or couples. In addition, individuals can receive coaching on
any of these topics with regard to particular situations or relationships.
In addition, Sharon and the other trainers also offer workshops for established
groups of people, such as members of a bookclub or people from a particular
spiritual community. Friends and/or family members can join together for
a workshop. For example, primary or extended families have come together
to learn these new communication skills. Together they may resolve longstanding
hurt, understand each other with greater clarity, and/or build a stronger
foundation for their relationships. In some cases, only the adults participate;
in others, children are involved as well.
Sharon also offers these workshops in other cities, nationwide and internationally.
Everyone in the PNDC consortium is dedicated to community building. If
you are interested in having Sharon or and/or additional trainers come
to your community, please contact us. We can work together to create viable
training options for people in your community.
Workshop Descriptions
Free Sessions for Community Participation:
- An Evening of Role Plays: Watch and discuss
as I role-play non-defensive responses to any examples people bring.
Observe how we can stay solidly in our power regardless of how others
react. You are welcome to bring guests to introduce them to PNDC
- A Conversation-Theoretical Questions: This
session will be for those who want some in-depth discussion about theoretical
issues (which still have practical implications). Bring questions you
have about PNDC, such as: "What are its limitations," "How
does it work in extreme situations," or any other questions/issues
you can think of.
Back to Top
Basic Workshop:
- Level I: The basic workshop covers the traditional
"war model" for communicating which causes us to be defensive,
controlling and manipulative, and provides principles and practice in
how to communicate totally non-defensively with far more power, increasing
our self-esteem and confidence, and is also often disarming to others.
Workshop Outline
Advanced Workshops:
-
PNDC Level II
After what you learned in the basic workshop about making a transition
from a "war model" for communication to a non-defensive model,
you can focus on strengthening your skills. In the Level II workshop
series, we spend one whole weekend on each form of non-defensive communication.
You can move from "How do I figure out what question to ask?,"
to "Let's see, which question should I ask first?" You can
get so familiar with the steps in the non-defensive statement, that
it becomes more automatic and old habits of withdrawal or argument begin
to disappear. And you can eliminate inhibitions about setting effective
boundaries at home and at work. I have found this series to be exceptionally
rewarding. Each of the three sessions will be approximately six weeks
apart. Pre-requisite: Basic Workshop.
- Questions-Weekend One: Learn dozens of kinds of questions
so they become easier to access as an alternative to the immediate
defensive response. They offer a means to deepening your understanding
and enhancing creative thinking. Instead of struggling to find a
single question to ask in response to what someone says to you,
imagine being able to draw from a wealth of possible questions in
any situation! You can learn to use the disarming power of the question
to simulate others to respond with openness and sincerity.
- Statements-Weekend Two: Become so familiar with the four
parts of the non-defensive statement that they are deeply internalized
and an automatic framework for speaking with clarity and power without
being judgmental-whether you are stating your own opinion or giving
feedback to someone else.
- Predictions-Weekend Three: People seldom use predictions
to create boundaries in day to day personal and professional relationships.
Predictions are often seen as just the kind of limit setting a parent
does with a child. Work through any barriers in making predictions
that are firm, but gentle, so others gain increasing respect for
you.
Back to Top
- Changing Blueprints, Changing Reality: Using
PNDC to understand each person's blueprints for various experiences,
hence empowering us to eliminate many no-win choices and create more
holistic health in our lives.
I believe that many forces shape our life experience. One, often labeled
as environment, can include anything from chance occurrences to cultural
influences, other people, and divine presence. Another is our own pre-disposition,
such as genetics, karma, and/or personality. I believe that in the context
of these other influences, we also do much to determine how we will
experience the "reality" of our lives. I have developed a
way to demonstrate how each of us creates "blueprints" that
we use, often unconsciously, to give form and texture to what "happens
to us." Just as we can make a blueprint for a house and then build
the house accordingly, we can bring together certain values, emotions,
reasonings, and behaviors (VERB elements) that shape how we experience
anything: love, anger, freedom, commitment, eating, exercise, even external
things such as rain or traffic.
In this workshop I show how we create these blueprints at an early age,
and demonstrate how they can give form to long term, self-defeating
patterns in our lives that have no-win choices built into them. Each
person will have opportunity to work on a significant childhood blueprint,
which influences her/his life. Blueprints that reflect various cultural
influences will also be examined. The material that forms the basis
for this workshop is from my forthcoming book.
Back to Top
- PNDC with our own Parents: Changing how we
interact with our own parents is often one of our greater challenges
in life. Most of us are painfully aware of how difficult this can be,
because of past hurts, unmet expectations, and entrenched "family
systems." Even when we believe we have evolved past the level of
functioning we see in our parents, they often have a mythic kind of
power over us that can prevent us from coming into our own full autonomy.
This workshop will focus on how to change long-standing patterns of
interaction with parents (or other key family members). The goal is
to become comfortable being ourselves, be honest while respectful, and
maintain our own authority. The results can carry over into all realms
of our lives.
- PNDC in Social Change Movements:
In my book I have a quote that I love, "Fighting for peace is like
screwing for virginity." (p. 76). I think that so often when we
work toward vital social change, we engage in power struggle with the
"powers that be," who are supporting the status quo, or implementing
policies that we consider to be destructive. The issue may be anything
from environmental issues, to human rights, to world peace. When we
engage in power-struggle, our efforts become defiant and we unwittingly
give power to our "opponent." We live out the prediction Einstein
made when he said, "We cannot solve a problem with the same consciousness
with which it was created." In this workshop, we will focus on
how to work toward social change in ways that demonstrate our wisdom,
are more powerful in achieving true change, and become more deeply healing
even when our goals are not fully met.
Back to Top
Co-Facilitated Advanced workshops:
- Living Non-Defensively, Living in Your
Power- It is only through our vulnerability that our greatest power
comes. With Monza Naff and Sharon Ellison.
Become more open, spontaneous, intimate, confident and powerful as a
way of being-in your relationships, your life work, and your spiritual
journey. Spend a weekend exploring how to integrate your inner voice
and creative expression with the power of non-defensive communication.
You will have opportunity to (1) focus deeply on the prompting of your
inner voice (through meditation and journaling, art, music and movement),
(2) strengthen your ability to show vulnerability as an essential part
of being spontaneously open, fully alive, and present in the moment,
and (3) speak with confidence and authority, interacting in a natural,
genuine way that enhances your integrity and ease. In this retreat we'll
share, stretch into new comfort zones, and have fun!
- PNDC and the Way of Joy Chi Kung: A Meeting
of Two Paths to Empowerment: With Vicki Dello Joio and Sharon Ellison
The focus will be two-fold. First, it will be on using Chi Kung, a Taoist
system of gentle movement, which embodies powerful, non-defensive energy.
Vicki will guide participants in increasing their wei chi, or protective
energy, which comes from being energetically open, expansive and assertive.
It is the ability to exude so much radiant energy or chi that nothing
negative can penetrate it. The Chi Kung practice will occur outdoors
in this beautiful, natural setting whenever possible. The second focus
will be on strengthening our ability to speak with the non-defensive
power of being fully authentic. The goal is to simultaneously enhance
our non-defensive energy fields and non-defensive verbal skills. Pre-Requisites:
Level I PNDC and Introductory series of Chi Kung
Back to Top
Training Programs:
- Deepening the Practice Support Groups:
This workshop series is for people who want to deepen their ability
to be non-defensive in every aspect of their lives. Participants have
the opportunity to apply Powerful Non-Defensive Communication skills
to their own personal and professional issues. The deepening groups
meet once a month, on a weeknight, from 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. in Oakland,
CA. Groups are available for individuals and for couples.
- Trainers' Training Programs: Trainers'
Training programs are for people who want to use and teach Powerful,
Non-Defensive Communication in their own professions and/or work
as consultants. Various programs are offered, ranging from intensive
weekend workshops to year-long training programs. The training has a
duel focuses on (1) applications within various professions, (2) specific
methods for teaching PNDC skills.
Workshop Descriptions for Practice Sessions:
- Eliminating Our Own Victim Mentality:
Any time we are defensive, we have the internal mental expectation of
being victimized. This attitude automatically hands over some of our
power to the other person. Learn how to move out of a victim mentality
(even if you are being treated disrespectfully) so you can gain your
full ability to protect yourself.
- Identifying Other People's Defensive
Strategies - and Responding with Non-Defensive Power: Recognizing
which defensive reactions others are engaged gives us the ability to
shift our internal lens from seeing the person as having simply and
intentionally gaining power over us to seeing the person as defended
for some reason. This information gives us much more ability to respond
quickly without getting caught in the power struggle. We will work on
effective responses to each defensive mode.
- Non-Defensive Internal Dialogues:
A Key to Eliminating Old Self-Defeating Scripts: Is your internal dialogue
ever a battlefield scene where you are the abuser, the victim, and the
protector? Do you criticize yourself, disparage your feelings and then
defend yourself? Do you end up confused, defeated? In this workshop,
you can learn how to create an environment inside of yourself where
discovery and healing can take place. We'll practice how to get ride
of self-defeating conversations with yourself, so you can strengthen
self -esteem, confidence and decision making power.
Back to Top
- How We Give Negative People Too Much Control
- and How to Change That: Often, at work and at home, we tend to
give negative people who act cold, manipulative, depressive, hostile,
and/or withholding, the power to control group mood and/or agenda. In
this session we will focus on how to avoid giving the person who is
the weakest link, the most power.
- The Question: Curiosity Didn't Kill the
Cat - It Won the Peace Prize: In this workshop we will practice
how to ask questions that are disarming, increasing the likelihood that
others will open up and respond with sincerity and honesty. Various
formats will be presented for how to ask questions about (1) the topic
under discussion and/or (2) the other person(s) attitude or intentions
- Non-Defensive Voice-Power: Making
statements which enhances our clarity, confidence, and authority. Typically,
people add forced energy, like a false front, trying to convince others
to listen, often stating opinion as fact. Making statements subjectively,
in a natural tone can give inspirational power to the expression of
our beliefs, emotions, and thoughts.
- Stimulating Respect and Reciprocity with the
Non-Defensive Prediction: We tend to think of predictions as the
kind of limit setting we do with children when we say something like,
"If you don't get dressed, then you can't watch T.V.!" Such
predictions are often given to the child harshly. In addition, we seldom
set limits with each other as adults unless they are used as a major
threat, such as "If we can't talk about our problems, we might
as well get separated!" Or, "If we don't get this product
out on the market, none of us may have a job." In this workshop
we'll practice how to set limits regularly and in a new way - one that
provides security through predictability.
Back to Top
- Giving and Receiving Feedback: In
the war model, the "feedback" process is often either critical,
harsh, and judgmental or indirect and vague, perhaps even non-existent.
We will practice how to (1) give honest, gentle, constructive feedback,
(2) encourage others to tell us the truth, (3) respond to harsh feedback.
- The Real Apology: A Key to Accountability:
Currently, I rarely hear what I believe are "genuine"
apologies. Most of them are structured to avoid true accountability.
We will focus on three areas: (1) dealing with people who give apologies
which seem to be insincere, manipulative, or even blaming, (2) refraining
from apologizing as a surrender to someone else's judgments, and (3)
giving full, thorough apologizes when we have done something we believe
was inappropriate or hurtful.
- How to Stop Being Caught in the Middle
in Other People's Conflicts: Most of us have sometimes felt caught
in the middle between two people, or even felt uncomfortable expressing
our own opinion to one other person when we are trying to be supportive.
Also, sometimes we think we don't have a position at all because we
have mixed feelings. We will focus on identifying how being in the middle
or even being "confused" can be an act of denying our own
position. We will practice how to express our own position, in any circumstances.
- Expressing Strong Emotions with Integrity and
Wisdom: Expressing the depth of our emotion is essential to keeping
our own integrity and voice, as well as letting others know what kind
of impact they have on us. Yet it is often difficult for people to know
how to show strong emotions while practicing PNDC. I am asked questions
like, "What do I do when I'm too angry to ask a non-defensive question?!"
or "How can I stay non-defensive when I am so upset?" This
workshop will focus on (1) how to express strong emotion non-defensively,
and (2) how to integrate expressing our feelings with the other, more
"neutral" steps in non-defensive communication, ( questions,
interpretive feedback and predictions).
Back to Top
- Burned out on Giving Encouragement -
Learn How to Empower Others Without Draining Yourself: So often,
when we try to support or encourage our intimate partner, another family
member, or a friend, we may find that the person resists even our best
efforts. We can come away drained, feeling that we are doing all the
"work." We may shift from feeling supportive to irritated.
This workshop will focus on how old ways of giving support actually
cause power struggle. We will practice how to encourage others in ways
that are much more empowering and rewarding.
- Confronting People Who Engage in Offensive
Remarks or Behavior - Directly and Without Being Harsh: Many of
us get stuck in the moment when someone says something that is offensive
to us or feels abusive, and as a result, we either say nothing, or become
angry and attack back. The circumstances may vary widely- from a family
member or friend saying something that offends us during a one-to-one
interaction or in a small group setting, to an acquaintance or stranger
making a comment in a public setting that assaults our values. The goal
will be to respond quickly and hold others accountable for what they
say.
- Dealing with Denial - One of the Crazy-Makers:
Most of us have felt crazy-made when someone isn't willing or able to
hear our message, and seems to be in denial about something we think
is obvious regarding the person's attitude or behavior or even how another
person is treating her/him. Trying to force our way through the "denial,"
we can fall into power struggle as fast as Alice fell into the sometimes
nightmarish Wonderland. This workshop will focus on how to respond effectively
without either being drawn into accepting the other person's denial,
or feeling compelled to drag the person out of it.
Back to Top
- Shifting Away from the Control Trap:
Our traditional communication is permeated with the belief that
we "need" to exert control over other people. We will examine
how to identify the hooks that pull us into this "control trap."
We'll identify ways that we erroneously interpret controlling others
as personal "needs," leaving us feeling frustrated, angry
and helpless. Then we'll practice how to have clarity without trying
to force others to listen or to change.
- A Non-Defensive Approach to Changing Self-Destructive
Habits: Changing entrenched "problem" habits is often
difficult. In many of our relationships, our habits often affect others
profoundly. Others may feel irritated, invaded, insulted, or worried
if the habit affects our health. The people involved may even disagree
about whether a habit (lateness, interrupting, table manners, over-committing
. . . ) is a problem or not. We will look at how to work within our
personal and professional relationships to strengthen a non-defensive
approach to deal with habits that create relationship stress.
- Making Conflict an Essential Positive Force
in Our Lives: In the gamut of personal and professional relationships,
people have a great deal of difficulty dealing with conflict. In traditional
communication, conflict is so often alienating, people are often afraid
to deal with it for fear it will "make things worse." Or,
old buttons get pushed and conflict can erupt in an instant, even when
things are "going well." In this session, we'll look at how
to approach conflict in a constructive, healing way in ongoing relationships
using PNDC skills.
Back to Top
- Balancing Accountability in Our Relationships:
In many of our relationships, it is very difficult to figure out
how to deal with each person's accountability. When does holding another
person accountable become an effort to exert inappropriate control over
the person. If the other person won't look at her/his behavior, how
do I hold myself accountable without taking more than my share of the
responsibility? When am I taking accountability when it doesn't belong
to me, refusing it when it does?, In this session, we'll look at how
the PNDC framework can help us create a healthy balance in how we hold
ourselves and/or others accountable.
- Communicating from a Place of Equality:
One of the things I have noticed is that even when people are practicing
non-defensive skills, they seem to take turns being the authority figure,
teacher, parent, critic, or advice-giver. Because of the pervasive influence
of the War Model, we slide easily into "one-up" and
"one-down" positions, usually involving one of the people
telling the other person how to fix their communication or some
other problem. This session will focus on how to avoid the one-up or
down trap and use our own non-defensive skills to communicate as equals.
- Reciprocity-A Keystone to Healthy Relationships:
Reciprocity, as far as I am concerned, is essential to the health of
any relationship, the circle eight of infinite energy. At the same time,
it is difficult to sort out how to make it work. On the one hand, it
can become a score-card of who has done what and whose turn it is, which
becomes more like a barter or business deal than a nurturing relationship.
On the other hand, one person may pick up far more of the slack and
be taken for granted.. This session will focus on how to use a non-defensive
approach to evaluating and creating reciprocity that has a balance of
spontaneity and consistency so that each person feels nurtured and appreciated.
- Making Intimacy Accessible: The ability
to feel intimately connected to others is, for many of us, the most
valuable experience we can have. While we tend to think of "intimacy"
as what we have with a lover or spouse, it can be a quality of relationship
that we can have anytime we feel a deep bond with another. Traditional
communication blocks intimacy, leading many of us to consider it rare.
Using non-defensive communication, intimacy can occur at any moment,
be a regular part of life. This session will focus on how to increase
your capacity for intimacy.
Back to Top
|
